Oct 072014
 

sheepeartagThank you so much, Jesus Junk International. We were having trouble separating the “sheep from the goats,” so-to-speak. We installed the turnstiles in the parking lots to get a more accurate count of attendance, but the newbies were sneaking through.

We really needed a way to avoid another Twitter-gate. Ya’ know, social media halts for no man or church. You got get that stuff out there at high traffic o’clock or you’re toast.

Recently our corp of Twitter ninjas got caught with their 140 characters down (IYKWIM). They were dropping vistor and baptism numbers all over the place. It looked like we were padding the numbers. We never want it to look like that.

We needed a way to identify the newbies in our church. We kept trying to close the deal on people we already had. Everyone knows the best way to tell if a church has it going on is if they promote huge visitor and baptism numbers. Newbie Number Tags made all the difference in the world.

Pastor Macon Biggs from THE First Mega Apostles Assembly of the Friendly Seekers Super Cell Group Church

From the makers of The Big Spender Tithing Envelope and the foundational Save-My-Seat Inflatable Jesus  comes the next product in church enhancement and growth. Jesus Junk International is proud to present

Newbie Number Tags.

Newbie Number Tags are the brainchild of our crossover marketing division. Their job is to scour non-related industries for items that may make an impact on the Christian community. They noticed that the large animal farming trade used a similar product to keep track of their livestock. Being that Christians are referred to as sheep and they believe the pastor is their shepherd, it seemed only natural to bring this gem into the fold of Jesus Junk offerings.

The tags are designed to be used anywhere on the ear. This makes the Newbie Number Tags’ individual number highly visible. The puncture wound is minimal and heals quickly when removed after the customary time period, usually soon after the newly baptized convert has become steady in tithing. Constructed of a durable polyethylene blend, they will not fade under UV rays, meaning they are safe to use during the praise and worship fire and light show.

They come in a variety of colors designed to further separate your newbies into practical groups.

  • Black, like the first-timers heart.
  • Yellow, if they repeated a prayer after someone on the church staff. This needs to be a professional Christian.
  • Blue, if they have been dunked in the kiddie baptismal pool.
  • Finally, green means they have tithed nearly long enough to have the tag removed.

Custom colors are available upon request. Your church logo can be heat-sealed into each tag for a modest fee.

Never again feel like a newcomer slipped in and out without being counted. Catch them at the turnstiles and pop a Newbie Number Tag in their ear. Then feel satisfied they are a number like everyone else.

What custom color do you want and why? Are we too numbers obsessed at church?
  • Kris Overtoom

    That is so funny. Have you thought about putting RFID tags in them so that numbers could be assigned to church members to assure that people feel welcomed but not overwhelmed? Thanks!

    • I don’t want to tip my hand to our competitors but that idea may be coming out in a soon to be revealed accountability product that includes a GPS tracker.